


Arin Fucks Sonic [A slow burn Fanfic of love]

by DraconSinss



Category: Game Grumps, Sonic the Hedgehog - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Fluff and Smut, Ghost Dan Avidan, Graphic Description, Guns, Human Arin Hanson, M/M, Minor Injuries, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Porn with Feelings, Shooting Guns, Slow Burn, What the fuck even is dan anymore, crackfic
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-12-11
Updated: 2019-01-10
Packaged: 2019-02-13 07:17:29
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 9
Words: 10,841
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12978897
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DraconSinss/pseuds/DraconSinss
Summary: Strangers, to friends, to friends with benefits to lovers.How will Somic tje delivdry hedgehog make his way into Arin Hanson's Romantic circle? Will he ever help him get Suzy back frpm the necarious Dr. Eggman Robotnil? Only time will tell...Only time....





	1. The meetening

**Author's Note:**

> I had an Epiphany.
> 
> Skeletons dont have dicks so how can they love. They cant so now im into hedgehogs amd now I wamt sonics cock amd so does Arin amd anyone who says otherwise is dumb. Rawr xD

It was a normal day in the sonic universe. The sun was shining, birds were singing and Arin Hanson’s complaints haunted Sonic's waking dreams and nightmares. Just like everyday.

 

One step at a time (obviously lol) Sonic ran, his red… shoes… blurring from the speeds he was reaching. It was a busy day for the blue hedgehog and as the new (and now only- why would you want to hire a bunch of slow delivery people when you can just overwork one incredibly fast one) Wendy's skip the dishes™  delivery boy, he needed to get these meals where they belonged before they stopped not being warm. Lukewarm. This delivery was the last meal of his batch before he had to go pick up more.

 

There was a loud screech as his shoes shredded against the cement, in one large gloved hand he gripped the Wendy's bag while his other hand dragged against the cement, scraping his glove as he came to a stop. Sonic huffed. This was his first stop of the day. He gazed upon the house he had stopped at, checking that the address matched the one on the order (599 Assfuck Drive). Yep, this was the one.

 

Sonic tapped his shoe against the concrete entrance platform thingy, hoping to get rid of some of his energy.  _ DING!  _ He pressed the doorbell. “Heads up, Wendy's super speedy delivery-hog at your service!” He called at the door.

 

His leg bounced and he sighed. How long has it been? 45 seconds already?

 

Finally, after a bit of shuffling the door opened and sonic shoved the food into the home owner's arms. “There ya go, mister or madame. Enjoy your meal!”

 

Without a second glance, Sonic zipped back to the Wendy's HQ. Maybe if he got there early he'd be able to take a few more minutes off his lunch break.

 

….

 

Arin stared blankly at the blue blur leaving his property. He blinked and shook his head in disbelief before looking down at his bag of Wendy's… then back up where the delivery boy once stood. He wiped his free hand over his face, still trying to get over what he just saw.

 

“Was that a Sonic cosplayer dressed in a Wendy's uniform?” Suzy asked, carefully putting a hand on her husband's shoulder.

  
“...” Arin looked at his wife, she could see tears welling up in his eyes. “but then how was he fast.” He more said than asked in a hurried tone. “Suzy.” He addressed. “Suzy how was he so fast?”


	2. hi dan

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dan is in and suzy is gone for a while
> 
> AnothER ENTCOUNTER WITH SONIC THE HEDHEGOH?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This will be the first multichapter fic with more than 10 chapters I'll finish since Gravity Falls.

After that day, Arin was hesitant to order in the meaty perfection that was Wendy's burgers. Suzy said it’d be fine and they can just actually go to Wendy's if he was that uncomfortable- but that would mean giving into Sonic. Something Arin wasn't willing to do.

 

Arin grit his teeth and swore to himself that he would face this weirdo head-on! Human in a costume, or the real Sonic The Hedgehog. Even if it made him deeply uncomfortable.

 

Suzy was by the door, dressed up nicely (and in Arin’s opinion: fucking stunning) and about to leave. “You can always order in another time.” She suggested.

 

She had a calling she had to go to. A calling made by none other than EggGrump Ind. she had to go talk to then about some shit about games or something. Arin was supposed to go but she said she could do it for him so he could deal with this Wendy's and Sonic problem. The meeting wasn't anything big- mostly just pleasantries so he agreed.

 

“It's now or never Suzy. Your support has gotten me through difficult times and is one of the many things i love about you, but I can do this. If you believe in me- and if I believe in myself as well as believe in you believing in me- then i can believe in myself and believe I can do anything. I can conquer this.” He puts a hand on her shoulder and smiles. “Because I believe in you believing in me to believe in me to believe that i can.” He kisses her on the cheek. “Now go exchange the most pleasant of pleasantries. I believe in you.”

 

“...” Suzy was quiet for a while, wondering not for the first time of her husband's mental wellness. “Okay, sure.” She walked out the door.

 

Arin smiled. Man, he sure loved his wife. Arin sighed and turned back to the insides of his house. He stared at his phone. Guess he should order right away and get this over with, huh?

 

_ Beep bap boop _ .

 

He ordered his Wendy's usual and made his way to his home's couch as he waited for food.

 

“Hey, Arin.” Daddy- DANNY *ahem* Danny said, peeking out from his hiding spot between two luxurious ass stained couch cushions. “What's up?”

 

“Wh- Dan where are you?” Arin took a second to look behind the couch and when he looked back up, none other than Dan “Danny Sexbang” Avidan was sitting next to him. “Dan!” Arin exclaimed, surprised.

 

“Hey, Arin. What's up?” Danny asked, leaning against the couch.

 

“But… but aren't you supposed to be dead?” Arin asked frightfully. His lips quivered, his brow trembled and a small bead of sweat trailed down his pale face. It was impossible that had was here!

 

“What.”

 

Arin gaped and gasped like a dead fish. “I seen you die with my bare eyes!”

 

“With your bare eyes is the only way you can see and that is  _ not true _ , as I am sitting here.” Danny gently pat the couch underneath him, the chenille fabric grazing gently against his palm. He poked Arin in the face, playfully. As if Arin were a kitten and Danny was a playful, yet careful puppy batting him with his paw. “Calm down, I haven't died yet.”

 

The doorbell rang and Arin’s head whipped towards the source of the sound with a sharp resounding crack. When he looked back to his friend, the  **_JOO_ ** was gone. An uneasy knot twisted itself in his stomach and dread weighed down his broken heart. His chest felt heavy and his neck hurt for some odd, inexplicable reason.

 

The doorbell rang again and almost robotically he went to answer it.

 

A paper bag was dropped in his hands. “There ya go, mister or madam.” A voice almost radical in nature spoke. It was almost familiar to Arin. Like he’d heard it in a T.V. show before… or a video game. Almost as if whoever was speaking was voiced by Jaleel White or Martin Burke or Ryan Drummond or J. Griff or Jason Anthony Griffith (who is possibly also J. Griff? Fuck Wikipedia.) Or Roger Craig Smith. Anyways, the stupid hedgehog- uh I mean voice was still talking. “Enjoy your m-!!! Hey, are you okay?”

 

“H-huh?” Arin said dumbly, tears blurring the blue figure before him into some sort of blue figure. 

 

Impatient as he was, Sonic’s foot tapped unconsciously. “I asked if you were okay, Ms.”

 

Arin sniffled and wiped his tears. His eyes widened in shock at the character before him. The blue hedgehog was so much more handsome in person. “Mrs, actually.” He lifted a trembling hand to show off his wedding ring. “Also I'm a man so it's Mr. ...and yeah. I'm fine.” Arin didn't need to tell this stranger his life story. That's what Game Grumps was for. A small vibration rumbled in the pocket of Arin’s underwear, but he was too distracted to answer it or look at the notification.

 

“You cry like a fucking pussy.” Sonic scratched his head under his official Wendy's delivery service entrepreneur hat and sighed. His soul reached for the customer’s, but alas… He had a duty to do. “Alright, sir. Enjoy your meal!”

 

And with that, the hedgehog ran to his next delivery. Arin stood until the food went cold. 

 

“You still gonna eat that?” Dan asked. When Arin didn't reply, he continued. “Cuz I'm pretty hungry. I'm a hungry boy.”

 

“Y-yeah I'll eat it.” Arin said, shooing the  **_JOO_ ** off back to its hiding spot. “Begone thot.” He mumbled thoughtfully to his friend before opening his phone. 

 

You have (2) new messages from (Waifu)

 

(Suzy: Hey cunt catch me outside how bout dah!!!

Suzy: I was joking but seriously come help me I think this guy is gonna kill me. Or you. It's complicated. :/)

 

This would not be the last he'd see of Sonic.

 

But it might have been the last he'd see of his wife.

 

Danny hovered behind his shoulder, peering at the phone screen. And with a total breach in privacy, not only did he fondle Arin's balls but he also read Suzy’s texts. “Bummer. I like it when she watches me suck your cock.”

 

“Daaaaan.” Arin whined. “I'm bummed out fuck off for a second we'll fool around  _ after  _ I eat and  _ after  _ we get Suzy back. I like it when she watches too.”

  
He held the Wendy's fast food to his chest. He learned multiple things this chapter. Sonic was real and serving him his food, and he had to save his wife from whoever the fuck she was talking about… he forgot to check. He looked back at his phone and texted suzy...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Funfact! I'm writing on my phone and am WAY too lazy to fix any spelling mistakes.
> 
>  
> 
> NEXT CHAPTER: Who is EggGrump ind.? Who's trying to kill suzy? Will Dan suck Arin off? N0 one and yeah but there's not gonna be any graphic description LMAO. Save that fpr later chapters lmao. XD Theese are the only valid questions and will be the only ones answered in the next chapper.


	3. I'll murder anyone who says it isn't christmas.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Its chisyamas. And no qe get to go into tje pass for christamas. My dog just licked my ass cheek- send help.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey thanks to my brother and my cousin fpr helping me out write some scenes for this glorious chapter. Bless their hearts. And their creative souls.

It was the dawn of christmas eve. Dawn was dawning and the air was cool and crisp against any anuses that just so happened to be exposed in the open air and all was well on Mobius. This was a long time well before Sonic had known of Arin Hansen and a long time before Arin had met the sexy blue hedgehog.

 

A long time before either had known true love…

 

Though they both had a semblance of it. A raw unkempt desire within them both that was searching for the perfect mate to spread some holiday cheer.

 

On this dawn that was dawning (not unlike a dawn) , Sonic was dawning himself an erection. “Oh, no… not again!” He mumbled glumly.

 

“...’Not again’?” Silver questioned, swinging his feet as he sat at Sonic's bedside. His fluffy silver ass laid upon a small bright- yet worn- velvet stool. He absently noted how his anus was dawning, twitching uncontrollably.

 

“AH!” Sonic yelled, throwing his hands up in the air for a couple minutes, swinging them wildly with reckless abandon. Like noodles. Or a wacky waving inflatable arm-flailing tube man, you know the ones.

 

“Woah, woah! Hey calm down! I'm just here to help you set up for the party. Plus your house is trash and needs a  _ lot  _ of work.” Silver snarked, activating his psychokinesis.

 

“Hey! My house is  _ livable _ . And that's good enough for  _ this  _ hedgehog!” Sonic whined, clawing desperately at his bedsheets as if the extra comfort was necessary to his survival. Which it was. Sonic is going to die if he gets out of that bed. He’ll die eventually.

 

We all die eventually.

 

Silver gave Sonic the most unimpressed look he's ever did does done do. “Sonic there was a pile of cum on the way in, get your life together man.”

 

“I DON'T NEED A TOGETHER LIFE IF I HAVE SPEED ON MY SIDE!!!” Sonic shouted, throwing a fine white powder at Silver’s face.

 

“AH SONIC WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS?! WHY?! WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU?!” Silver screamed between coughs. His eyes teared up and he sniffed, feeling as if he were maced. It burned hotter than the heat of a thousand million billion trillion cinquentillion suns- like a  _ bitch _ .

 

Sonic took a big deep breath of the white powder, inhaling as much of the substance as he could. It hardly burned, as his tainted lungs were already scarred and scabbed over with resistance to the toxin. Because that’s how science works, damn it!!! 

“Ha! It's  **Amphetamine** !” He said excitedly, voice strained. “If we're getting ready to celebrate christmas you KNOW it's gonna be the right way. With lots of SNOW!”

 

“Sonic- That was way too much I feel like I'm going to  _ die, _ you prick!” Silver yelled, still coughing up powder and inhaling it back in right after. His eyes were burning and he felt as if he were drowning in a sea of death and asphyxiation.

 

“HAHAHAHA!” The blue hedgehog screamed in laughter, howling like a hyena in heat. “That's how you know you're at your most alivednessed state, DUMBASS!”

 

While the blue and white hedgehogs fought for hours, on a different world, a different dimension, even, Arin Hanson was preparing for a christmas of his own.

 

“Merry fucking christmas, DAN!” Arin raised his voice happily. “It’s christmas!” He repeated, grinning ear to ear while trying not to giggle to himself.

 

“Arin I’m jewish lol so I think christmas is cool but also Hanukkah and dreidels and such.” The man commented offhandedly, hugging a fully lit menorah to his burning chest. Literally burning. His chest was on fire. He could feel the flames licking and searing his flesh with it’s loving touch. He was wailing and sobbing horribly at the terrible pain being inflicted against his jewish nerves. But that’s okay because that just means he is blessed with the jewish powers of… uh. Okay so all cards on the table, everything I know about religious shit comes from either South Park or Adam Sandler’s 8 Crazy Nights or Everything Christmas that’s in the media. And I guess I know a couple of religious people. Anyways, Dan was being jewish.

 

“Yeah.” Arin agreed, not really listening. “Holidays are great.”

 

Dan frowned. Not because of the pain but because he felt that maybe Arin wasn’t okay. He thought maybe that he should ask just in case. “Are you okay?” He asked, concern lasing his golden words.

 

“...No.” Arin sighed.

 

“Okay. That settles that, I guess” Dan smiled, now completely engulfed in flames. “Glad to know that.” Dan ended the conversation and everything was quiet.

 

Until it wasn’t.

 

“OOOOOOOOOH OH WOAH-OOOH! I DON’T WANT A LOT FOR CHRIIIISTMAAAS!” Dan screamed. 

 

Until he didn’t.

 

Arin suddenly caught psycho. He was crazy! Crazy horny. The fire and passion suddenly sparked in his eyes and his breathing picked up. He could feel fire burning his cock with desire. He was ready. He inserted his penis into the usb drive like a usb, like any normal day. But this day somehow felt different. Instead of loading the normal game of christmas he would have loaded onto the desktop, a new unknown game he had never known before loaded up. But that was impossible. He could only load games his penis has experienced before. So how does this do?

 

He did not know. “NANI?!” he exclaimed, confused. Frightened. Shit leaked out the ankle leg hole of his jeans. The bottom of his jeans bursted with the seams with poo. There was so much poop that it leaked into his socks, he could feel it squish between his toes and spread to the soles of his feet. And it stinked so much that when he walked into town later that day it made everyone around him poop and pee and poop their pants. Many of them puked. Some of it got in his mouth. Many of them died out of instant infection. There were no survivors. He didn’t know where he was going.

 

Where was he going? He did not know. He continued walking. And walking. Walking indefinitely until he reached a set of polished doors. White. A house. A white house.  _ THE WHITE HOUSE _ . “NANI?!” He screamed. He opened the doors slowly, tentatively. As if afraid what would be behind it. As it turned out there was only an orange carrot man waiting for him there. Mr. Trump himself peered down at his disgustingly poop-tainted form and invited him with a seductive and jolly smile. “Hello there Mr. Egoraptor.” He said with his deep sexy presidential voice. “You smell very very very unmexican. That is my favorite smell and I would now like to perform oral sex with you.” He said.

 

Arin nodded, blushing like a school girl.

 

But that is a story for another day...

 

“Arin you smell like shit.” Dan stated plainly. “What could have possibly surprised you into shitting yourself?!” 

 

Arin turned to Dan, teared up as he pointed to the screen. A loading screen. For a game. A game called Sonic Dream Collection. Dan’s eyes went wide and he put the menorah next to the screen, as if gesturing to it. Or just lighting up the already lit computer screen with it’s holy glow. Either way, excitement sparkled in Danny’s eyes. “This looks okay to me.” He commented.

 

“This looks okay to me.” Sonic said, to Silver and also now Big the Cat who was sitting in the corner balls deep in froggy. They were looking at a banner hanging in Sonic’s house’s living room. It was a grand banner with the words “Merry Fucking Christmas You Niggas” that was created entirely of paper, cocaine, glue and amphetamine.

 

Silver sneezed. “Can I die now?”

 

But before Sonic could answer there was a knock at the door, who could it be? Sonic wondered. It couldn’t have been Silver, as he was already here. It couldn’t have been Big either, since he was there in the corner having weird sex with his frog. He had been there for eleventy seven hours, minimum, Sonic wiped as much speed away from his face as possible before he opened the door. “Hey did y’alls bring chilly dogs? Wait fuck wait that’s how I talk not sonic, SHIT. uh- Sure hope you brought chilly dogs hyUCK.” He expressed his wishes with such truth that the person at the door couldn’t help but to sob openly.

 

It was Bark the Polar Bear, of course! Sonic’s one and only best friend. Forever. “No. S-Sorry.” The fluffy bear partially hid his face in his green scarf, shy, as if it were his fault he had not brought the disgusting snack. The bear was huge and bulbous. 90% poof, at least. He tugged his orange tuque partially over his bangs, a nervous tick of his. He looked behind Sonic and glanced at what beheld him. There was Silver, having a hard time focusing on a paper snowflake he seemed very determined to create and there was also big the cat spearing his small amphibious friend on his giant cat girth. Bark silently noted that his was bigger before blushing. He put his brown gloves on his hips and silently looked back at Sonic. No one else was here… Embarrassed, he began to speak in a reserved yet deep tone. “I’m early.”

 

“FUCK YEAH YOU ARE. But like I always say, the faster the better, heh.”Sonic shrugged and waltzed his way back inside his house, inviting Bark in. “Hit up the others before I run out of Amphetamine, I don’t think I can handle those cock suckers sober.” He tossed his cell to the shy bear, who caught it just in the nick of time before it fell into a million billion pieces.

“O-okay…” Bark mumbled, trying to navigate the tiny phone with his bear hands.

 

The party was nowhere near ready and Sonic hadn’t even started molesting the turkey! OHnoo!

 

Meanwhile Dan and Arin were solving the mysteries of Arin’s dick juice game. “So” Arin said, just having finished getting blown by the president then showering away all his shit and sins. “Let’s play this chRISTMAS MOTHAFUCKAAA!”

 

“Yah for judaism or something. Dreidels and racism and whatnot. lmao.” Dan uttered.

 

“Hey there guys give that like button a huge slap on the ass it's time to play some motherfucking SONIC DREAMS COLLECTION!!!” Aaron scremed into his microphone. 

 

“Oh, Arin. I'm not sure about this…” a huge rock thumped on Dan’s heart and his gut twisted like a cyclone of water preparing to destroy and devour all with it's big empty void of wrongness. Dan dabbed, trying to dab away the tears that were beginning to form from his unease. “Something tells me this isn't an ordinary game… i think…” Dan shook his head as if he were an etch a sketch clearing away his train of thought. But the train wanted revenge and crashed into his mind twice as hard. “I think this game might be too dank for us, Arin…” The curly haired boi said, voice trailing off into a mumble.

 

The other male’s voice was soft as he replied. A smooth tone that was filled with not only certainty, but also a strong extremely firm conviction, filled the room. His lips grazed against the mic as he spoke very clearly into the microphone. No echo. No distortion. No background fuzz. Just simply: “No game is too dank for us, Daniel.”

 

Dan came, his knees spasming just slightly from the small orgasm. His left hand darted up and pressed against his chest as if it would save his heart from escaping his body. But Tragedy struck and he was unable to stop his vital organ from bursting out of his body, leaving a bloody fleshy rose in its wake. The man died instantly. Arin began to scream and Dan was unable to witness as his heart jumped into his friend’s agape mouth. Arin swallowed the heart hole, the organ sliding down his throat like a dick.

 

Tears ran freely down his eyes and Arin threw his back to the couch. He gingerly grabbed his water and shoved the liquid down his throat, trying to wash down the metallic taste of blood as well as the muscle that was caught in his throat. Only after a full hour of inhaling H2O he coughed and sputtered, finally able to speak. He wiped the blood off his chin like a giant burly man would do after eating a hardy steak and sighed.

 

Eyes full of exhaustion, he looked at Dan's mangled corpse. Then he returned to his console, his dick still plugged into the USB slot. He closed his eyes and a high pitched whine emanated from him. He let his fingers control what the could not see. He let his fingers begin the game Sonic: Dreams Collection. For if he didn't… he was afraid for what else he may do.

 

He could feel air float past him. His hair flew wildly everywhere and he could see a bright light- brighter than a million billion trillion eleventy-septillion suns erupt from his monitor, even from behind his eyelids.

 

But he refused to open his eyes.

 

He could hear a loud crash and several patters of feet as well as many different voices he did not recognise. Anyone else would ask questions. Or look. Or wonder. Though Arin did none of this.

 

He refused to open his eyes.

 

It wasn't until the room was silent, deafeningly so, that slowly one millimeter at a time he began to open his eyes. But he did so carefully, without reason to do it any other way. Once they were open completely he allowed his visual cortex to retain the information his eyes were trying to send him. Somehow he was not surprised at what he saw, but he could feel his soul longing for more than just the holly jolly spirit he was delivered.

 

The room hadn't changed.

 

Nothing was wrong.

 

But nothing was right either.

 

Daniel sat beside him, an ugly Hanukkah sweater donned upon his chest and a concerned look expressed on his facial features. “Arin are you ready to play Christmas Adventure Candy Storm?”

 

“...y-yeah.” Arin mumbled, coldly. A soft gentle chill ran through the man’s bones. “Super ready.”

 

_ “…” _

“...huh.” Sonic stated, plainly. Be had been staring at the door without blinking for the past hour. No one else had come to his party. And he stared at the door, dumbfounded. What had happened? He started to wonder…  _ had something happened? Were they in danger? Did they forget to buy booze? _ The hedgehog sighed, but did not blink. 

 

He refused to close his eyes.

 

“Hey, Bark?” Sonic inquired. He took the Polar Bear’s silence as a sign to continue. “Have you called the others yet?”

 

There were a few beats of silence (and Big’s moans as he was still fucking his frog) before the bear answered. The big white fluffy creature was sitting up, being used as a pillow for the smaller animal with him. Silver latched onto Bark’s scarf, carefully gnawing it with his hedgehog teeth. “Your phone broke.”

 

Sonic couldn't help but blink. His eyes closed like rusted doors, creaky and irritated from disuse. He swore quietly and held the pain in like the big boy he was. There was a horrible cracking sound as he turned his head. “What.”

 

Bark anxiously started petting the light furred hedgehog on top of him. “It broke.”

 

“Oh okay.” Sonic said. He rolled his eyes and entered a few numbers into his hand. If you have to have something done, you ought to do it yourself, right? He held his palm up to his ear and listened carefully. To his countersurprise, everybody answered. “Hey side hoes wya?” He spat, kinda pissed from dropping from his high and also no one being there.

 

“Yo Sonic!” Stealth the Hedgehog began. “There's a gaping hole here and for once it isn't Rouge’s!” A distinct sound of someone getting punched rang through Sonic’s hand. As well as a distinct “oof.” 

 

Someone else's voice started talking. Except it was his own but more uniform because it was Zonic the zone cop lol. “Hey something weird is up, turn around.”

 

And so Sonic did, only to be dragged into a room where Mobians from all sorts of dimensions were getting sucked into a big black hole. Even my Original Character Sinoc was there, scrabbling for something to hold with his big orange hedgehog arms.

 

Anyways, bark was getting dragged in too. A passed out silver in one of him big muscly bara bear arms while his other clawed into the floorboards. He made a sad bear sound as the portal thingy devoured him.

 

“WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT?!” Sonic screamed. “IT WAS NOT WORTH SKIPPING THE CHRISTMAS PARTY FOR. IT  _ WAS NOT. _ ”

 

The hole was much larger than anyone had expected. It was almost larger than the room itself. Sonic turned his head, attempting to ignore the giant problem, only to see that it was still very clearly in front of him. With the hole his christmas sweater and extra stache of amphetamine was sucked away into the giant, anti-christian void.

 

Froggy was sucked off Big’s dick and into the portal. Big waddled into the portal crying out for his pet.

 

Zonic held onto the wall and was fixing Sonic with an intense glare. “Sonic with all due respect,  _ fuck christmas. _ We're all going to die or  _ worse _ . And we're all going to get eaten by this giant hole!”

 

Sonic glanced over at Zonic. “ _ All  _ of us?”

 

“ _ EVERYBODY, DAMN IT!!!” _ Zonic shouted. Just then he was lifted off the wall he was standing perfectly at a 90° angle on and sucked into the portal.

 

“Wow not even rouge was able to do that!” Sonic exclaimed. He tried backing away against the portal’s pull, but was fruitless. He looked around the room, searching for someone else. For anything else. There was nothing. The room had disappeared, everyone was gone. Sonic was alone.

 

He took a short inhale. “Okay no more dicking around, Sonic…” He told himself, unable to look away from the hole. “I have to do this…” A small bead of sweat broke out on his forehead and he could feel his spines slowly begin to drag him towards the portal-like void. But suddenly, he was hit with an epiphany. “Dick…” He mumbled, staring straight at the hole. 

 

“THAT’S A DICK HOLE!” He screamed, tripping. He clawed at the floorboards as Arin’s electronic dickhole tried to suck him up. “NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO!!!” 

 

Everything went black.

 

Then it went white.

 

Then it went brown.

 

Sonic opened his eyes to a new world. His vision was blurry. He couldn’t see anything clearly, though he was able to tell he was in a room. There was a blinding light nearby and he could hear familiar voices as well as a soft pitter patter of feet. 

 

He zoomed out as fast as he could, causing a sonic boom that destroyed the room he was in. Once his eyes cleared, he puked a little and could feel small pellets of poo fall out of his anus. HE had no idea where he was.

 

“Merry Christmas, Sonic.” Tails squeaked.

 

Sonic jumped, darting to the side. He stared at the fox with wide eyes. “What?”

 

“Merry Christmas, Sonic.” Blaze said again, in the same manner she had just a few seconds ago. After she received no answer, she continued. “This was a gift from God. We must use it to our full potential.”

 

BUt when she looked sonic in the eye, he was gone. She sighed. “Well we’re all homeless now. Who the fuck am I supposed to room with now?”

  
Merry Shitscram lmao welcome to the shitscram special.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've done so much research on Sonic, it's beenthe only media I've consumed fpr weeks please help me this isn't funny anymore.


	4. ACTUALLY CHAPTER 3 LOL

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hopefully this comes out on my birthday. Happy birthday to me, I guess.
> 
> Oh suzy and Dr. Eggman are in this.
> 
> Also this is a second half of a conversation so go back and skim ch.2

“You fucking cunt what.” Suzy growled.

 

The nefarious Dr. Ivo Eggman Robotnik cackled. “I'm gonna steal your company!  _ gnar gnar gnar _ !” He sneered with his ugly gremlin-ass cheese grater swallowing ass voice. Like holy fuck he sounds worse than he looks. 

 

“You can't do that, I don't even own it.”  _ God what a creep… _ Suzy clenched her fist like in that Arthur meme. “Why would you want it in the first place?”

 

“Well, Mortimer, I'd take it and use it to send subliminal messages to the viewers so they'd be more encouraged to buy tickets to my theme park.” The old bald guy twirled his squirrelly mustache. “And au contraire, your husband owns the company. Which means you own is too probably legally maybe fuck if i know. So if I force you to divorce him then I can convince whoever is in change of this stuff to give the company to you then I'll marry you and kill you so the company will be mine. That's how law works. Simple, right?”

 

“That… is an awful lot of trouble for one YouTube channel and what? One game as of [insert a date here, I don't really care which one]?” Suzy didn't know what to think. This man was crazy. She was 90% sure EggGrump Inc. didn't even  _ have  _ an amusement park. Unless it was secret…. Then it was a bad amusement park! How was anyone supposed to go there of they didn't know about it?

 

...Ivo’s plan suddenly made a bit more sense.

 

“You just don't understand because you're a  _ girl _ .” Eggman spat.

 

Suzy turned to Orbot, one of Dr. Robotnik’s sentient robots that was sitting there the whole time and didn't just appear there because that would be ridiculous. “Is it just me or is this guy a prick?”

 

“It's not just you but alas, programming is programming, is it not?” The red orb-headed robot replied. The only useful fucking thing in the fucking everything.

 

“Yeah and the boss is mean, too!” Cubot, a yellow cube-headed robot added unhelpfully. Bless this stupid dumbass useless piece of fucking shit.

 

Orbot sighed and patted his companion’s head. “Please excuse him, he's still a… work in progress.”

 

“Shut it you dolts!” Eggman yelled, shooing his robots. His voice was as graceful as a cat getting its fur forcefully cheese-grated off it's skin. Seriously, someone get whoever voices this guy some tea and honey before they drown in the blood of their own vocal cords.“Stop talking to the prisoner!”

 

“Prisoner?!” Suzy screeched, upset by the development. “My ass I'm your prisoner-”

 

“Too bad! You're  _ my _ prisoner until you divorce Arin ‘Egoraptor' Hansen and claim Gamegrumps as your own!” The round doctor pressed one measly button and a light blue electric force field zapped it's way around Suzy, imprisoning her.

 

She gasped and pulled her hands closer to her, afraid to touch the electricity field. Or get too close. Humans are very conductive, you know. “FUCK YOU!” She yelled, angery.

 

“Wait until AFTER the honeymoon.” Eggman vomited.

 

Suzy flinched back, there was puke everywhere and it was really fucking gross. The putrid scent of shit mixed in a toilet bowl of rotten eggs hit her face like a slimy smelly ALMA transporter filled with garbage. She lifted her shirt over her nose before silently glaring at the evil doctor. “What. Did. You. EAT?!?!”

 

“Only my morning protein shake consisting of garbage, shit, rotten eggs, and hedgehog meat. It's certainly helping with my-” Dr. Robotnik coughed up a clump of vomit. “M-my *heurck* waistline.”

 

“I swear to god I will break myself out of here as soon as humanely fucking possible.” Suzy grumbled, staying on the side of her prison that was furthest away from what was most likely a sexual predator. She pulled out her phone and began texting her husband.

 

Suzy: Hey cunt catch me outside how bout dah!!!

 

She sent, hoping it would get Arin’s attention. Eggman leaned over her shoulder and she punched him in his gross ass nose. “Hey!!! Rude, don't you know hurting others is wrong???” She punched the smartass in the fucking face again until his glasses broke and he collapsed on the cold hard ground.

 

Her hand bloodied and knuckles pierced with broken glass, she continued to text Arin.

 

Suzy: I was joking but seriously come help me I think this guy is gonna kill me. Or you. It's complicated. :/

 

Eggman hadn't moved in a while, so frantically with the urgency of a gazelle outrunning a cheetah and her heart pounding faster than a rabbit’s, sweat dripped down her forehead in big fat droplets of sweat fear and anticipation. Her muscles flinched as she tapped the camera shutter on her phone. Multiple times. A text from her husband interrupted the disgustingly deathly dirty dastardly bastardly photo shoot. Eggman was laying in a pool of his own puke, BTW.

 

Arin: You know I don't like being called a cunt. :^( 

Arin: and who is this other guy- Dan says it isn't him. Do I have to be worried lol jk ily faithful 4ever

 

Suzy: cunt.

Suzy: [Image_3211420.png]

Suzy: Lol this is the yeastfuck that imprisoned me. What a fucking pussy bet i could kick his ass if i weren't behind bars. Come get me pls. :,^{

 

Arin: Let Dan finish blowing me first. We were gonna wait for you to come back so you could watch but I got hard thinking about that delivery hog so…

 

Suzy: Dan is dead, Arin.

 

Suzy closed her phone and groaned, annoyed. Back with this Dan is still alive shit. Her poor husband hasn't been able to cope, refusing to get a new partner to do Gamegrumps with- frequently masturbating while  _ insisting  _ that Dan was blowing him. She shook her head solemnly. Now was not the time for elaboration of completion of thought, lest she get wet.

 

Now was the time to make a plan, and quick! Arin was disabled so she was basically alone. She could hear the sound of Eggman’s egg heart slowly starting up again. He could wake any hour now.

 

But she wasn't alone.

  
Her gaze drifted off to where two dumbass robots here conversing. Maybe she could convince them to let her go somehow….


	5. Smallest cock cumming at the speed of sound

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hey have some sonic masturbating bc I wrote it and i love you.

Sonic sighed after a hard day's work. His shoes were left at the door, in an almost disarray. His work uniform was thrown in the wash, hot sweaty and musky after his hard day's work.

 

He laid on his stained mattress, socks and gloves off as he wistfully stared at the ceiling. His eyes trailed over multiple water stains and cracks that ran over his ceiling. He turned his head. As an underpaid Wendy's employee, he didn't have the home he wanted. Wallpaper was peeling, paint was chipping, and a couple floorboards were loose here and there. But hey, it was home.

 

He turned in his bed. A veiled picture frame on a nightstand filled with two joyous smiles and a broken promise. A tear dared to roll down one of Sonic’s cheeks as he absorbed the photo of him and his latest ex with his eyes. Beautiful orbs gleaming with happiness stared back at him. Red fur, huge paws… Clifford’s cock was just as big and red as the dog himself. Sonic sighed and felt himself harden just thinking about his last lover, Clifford the big red dog.

 

They hadn't been the most conventional couple, Clifford being giant and also of another species. But there was love. No one else had approved.

 

Sonic closed his eyes, trying to remember the way Clifford’s big red cock would slide into his small tight hedgehog ass. He tried to remember how he had enjoyed it but… it was just so long ago. He stopped, feeling guilty. They weren't together anymore. There was no more love in his heart for Clifford, and Sonic knew this. There was only desire. Need. His heart sank.

 

He couldn't touch himself while thinking about his ex. He wouldn't let himself. He needed someone he couldn't imagine himself caring about, nor see again yet… he had to be attracted to them. He stroked his cock one handedly, both glad his hand was huge and his cock was small, able to engulf his length nearly completely with one hand.

 

He thought about his customers- that shouldn't be too dangerous, right? What could go wrong?

 

He thought to that long haired woman… wait- no it was a man, right? The one that was the perfect size- not grossly small and comfy enough to use as a pillow after sex without it being too gelatinous, surely. The one with the long hair and the one blonde streak running through his perfect strands. He gave his hedgehog cock a tug and moaned, wondering what the human's cock would be like. Not as big as Clifford's, certainly, but it'd be just the right size. Sinking into the warm heat of his anus as he jerked himself off.

 

“Mmn- y-yes! Y-you’re too slow!” He mumbled to himself, pretending the handsome stranger was there with him, jacking him off while slowly inserting his finger up his- “a-ah~” 

 

Sonic moaned as his thick gloved finger made it past the tight ring of muscle that was his anus. He bucked back onto his fingers, in that moment only wanting, no  _ needing  _ the stranger’s dick. “PLEASE!” He screamed as his fingers reached somewhere pleasurable, a point that he fingered over and over again until stars hit his vision and white streams of cum pumped out from his cock. “YES F-FUCK!” He screamed as he came.

 

Carefully, he gave the bundle of nerves in his ass a couple more prods, riding out his orgasm, before pulling his finger out and panting. He hadn't cum that hard by himself since, well… since he could last remember.

 

Sonic waited until his cock retreated back into his fur, hidden once again from the world. Under a blanket of secrets :D

 

He  _ had  _ to see that customer again. He would. He felt it in his heart. He felt it in his  _ soul.  _ He had to.

 

There was a bang on the wall above his bed. “SONIC YOU LOUD SON OF A BITCH SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!” A loud, memorable voice screamed at him.

 

“NO YOU SHUT UP SCOURGE, YOU ANTI-SONIC PIECE OF SHIT. I CAN KICK YOUR ASS ANY DAY AND YOU KNOW IT.”

 

“THEN DO IT YOU LITTLE PRISSY BITCH.”

 

“....NEVERMIND SORRY, SCOURGEY.”

 

“THAT'S WHAT I THOUGHT NOW STOP MASTURBATING SO FUCKING LOUDLY.”

 

A new voice started from the other wall. “I didn't mind, Sonic.” Tails said.

 

“T-TAILS?!?” Sonic exclaimed, ignoring Scourge’s snorting laughter. “I THOUGHT YOU WERE OUT!!!”

 

Yet another voice broke out, this one wolfish in nature. “Yeah, no one's out we're just all pissed off and hiding because sOMEONE CAN'T TAKE A FUCKING HINT!!!” Nack screamed.

 

“I SAID I DIDN'T FUCKING EAT ALL THE MAYONNAISE!” Infinite’s voice rang.

 

A dark voice began yelling, almost raspy as if it was only used to talk quietly. “LYING JACKAL-ASS! AS LOUD AS YOU ARE, EVERYONE OUGHT TO BEAT YOU TILL YOU CAN NO LONGER SPEAK!”

 

“YOU THINK  _ YOU  _ CAN TAKE  _ ME  _ ON, RAT?” he said.

 

Sonic sighed as the screaming continued. His mind drifted back to the man he had been thinking about… He really should get his own living space, or thicker walls.

  
Maybe he should look for new roommates.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tell me if this is the path this amZing story should take or not lmao. Im pooping while i write this note and it smells bad :^(


	6. My Guns

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shit saving suzy is gonna b hard guys like... Really hard omg.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This goes out to Sonic The Slut- not only is that an amazing guest username b7t they also commented on last chapter so like how could i not shout them out immiright?

“ how are we gonna find Suzy?” Dan asked, wiping cum off his chin and crawling up the couch to sit on Arin’s lap.

 

“I have an idea, but it's crazy....” Arin sighed and pouted, crossing his arms dejectedly. “It'll never work it's just too out there…”

 

“Well what's your idea?” The  **_JOO_ ** asked.

 

“We call the police.” Arin nodded, certain.

 

DAN GASPED. “Arin we can't do that!!! We have to go save her the natural way. With guns and pimp hats and big big dildos that shoot fire from them!” Dan said this with such gumption, his hands flailing with such a hypnotising rhythm and certainty.

 

A disappointed sigh graced past Arin's soft lips. “Dan…” He started shaking his head slowly, depressingly. He exhaled his next words with such a sinking sadness that it was becoming hard for Dan to be optimistic. “None of my dildos can shoot fire.”

 

“Fuck.” Dan swore. He shoved Arin onto the floor, where the man’s arm broke. From the force of the fall his arm was snapped clean off from the elbow. Blood gushed from his wound like one of those fancy water fountains.

 

“Ow.” Arin hissed, he licked at his wound until the blood was gone. Then with that settled, he turned back to his friend. “Where do we buy fire shooting dildos?” He asked.

 

“Don't worry.” Dan winked. “I know a guy.” He waved at Arin to follow him and phased through the wall like some sort of phantom.

 

Arin crashed into the wall a few times before he realised he could just break through. And so he broke through the wall as any smart person with a kindergarten degree would. As he dusted drywall off his shoulders he scolded himself.  _ Fucking idiot. _

 

-

 

Eclipse wiped one of his guns of it's dust. He sighed happily as it shined against the artificial light in his basement. Ah yes, Eclipse loved guns. He loved them so much.  _ “I love guns so much.” _ He thought, loving his precious guns.  _ “Me and my guns are tighter than bark on a tree”  _ (WATCH PAMTRI’S SHIT OR ILL EAT YOU) he thought. He put the gun down in it's bed and tucked it in. He spent a while reading it a story before moving onto the next gun.

 

“I love guns so much.” He said allowed. “My guns are the shit.” She said wistfully whilst wiping another gun.

 

Eclipse had many guns. Many guns that he loves but what eclipse didn't know was what his guns were for. But then again it was all he knew.

 

Eclipse bought all these guns from china. They were cheap and made from plastic. So he could over sell them of course!

 

He had the guns so he could tell them so he could help the charity created. The black Alien supremacy charity, of course! Since he was indeed a black alien himself. He only told his wares to black aliens and their friends. So when Dan Avidan came walking through his door with a human how could he say no. “Howdy y'all dan how y'all do dun be?” He drawled before sitting his tobacco in his spitoon. 

 

“How Ecee.” Dan replied, giving the creature a one fingered salute. “How much for your big guns?”

 

“How much  _ aren't  _ they?” The alien said before barking out one sharp “ **_HAH_ ** ” out of enjoyment.

 

Dan himself chuckled at the joke.

 

Arin grabbed his broken arm and waved it at Eclipse, void of blood. “Two dildos please.” He ordered confidently.

 

“He looks like he has down syndrome.” Eclipse took off his glasses so he could squint at Arin. “And a broken arm.”

 

“Yeah he's just human don't sweat it. So how much  _ actually  _ for those normal guns?” Dan asked pointing to a strapping fine pair of dildos sitting at the back of the shop illuminated by the warm internal glow of fire contained within them.

 

“5 dollors.” Eclipae said nodding to himself. “Yes yes 10 dollors.”

 

“You mean  _ dollars? _ ” Arin tried to correct.

 

“No you  _ fucking idiot _ we’re talking about  _ dollors _ , you know?  _ Jewish currency? THE MAIN CURRENCY OF JEWRASIA?”  _ Dan shook his head, disappointed in Arin's lack of apparent knowledge. “Go sit in the corner and play with your regular not gun dildo while the back jews talk. Sorry Eccy, that was 15 dollars?”

 

Arin looked downcast but slid off to the corner anyways. He watched the black jews talk slowly losing his train of thought. The dildos would be a great help to their mission but Arin couldn't help but to feel powerless about the situation. He needed to save Suzy but he and Dan couldn't do it by themselves, could they?

 

As he quietly traced the tip of the dildo with his finger he sighed and couldn't help but to think the truth: no. They couldn't. But you know what they could do? Try. And for fucks sake tahts what Arin was going to do!

 

Dan handed Eclipse 25 dollors. “How's the species going?” He asked casually. Making thoughtful jewish banter as he was prone to doing.

 

“Not bad not bad. Still can't eat guns though. Your friend find anything out yet?” Eclipse handed Dan the 30 dollor dildo blasters.

 

“Nah everyone still thinks Dan is dead but Arin and i am Dan so as long as i have Arin it will be okay.” The black jew we know and love grabbed the 35 dollor dildo blasters and placed them in his big neon green duffel bag he's always had and has never been seen without. “We have to save someone that Arin cares about very much but I can tell an event very fortuitous shall occur upon our arrival to rescue Suzy from Dr. Eggman's dangerous and possibly rapey clutches.”

 

“Sounds fun.”

 

“Yeah it's going to be epic and awesome as shit!” Dan was smiling wide, his eyes curving in just the right way that made it seem as if they too were smiling.

 

“Your friend is choking.”

 

The smile died. “My friend is what?”

 

Eclipse pointed to Arin who was bent over, his mouth foaming over the giant dildo that was caught in his throat. Dan cursed. “SHIT ARIN!” He rushed over to his friend and Eclipse smiled watchung Dan do the Heimlich maneuver on Arin.

 

Good friends those two must have been.

 

Eclipse went back to cleaning his guns. And soon enough the dildo was dislodged from his throat and Dan said his goodbyes. Arin said something that sounded like garbled speech but it wasn't in Eclipse’s place to care.

 

The small chime of the door rang and the two were gone.

 

He had just started dusting off one of his older guns when the chime rang once more. Without looking up from his task he assumed it was Danny. “So you're going to pay me those 5 extra dollors after all, Dan?” He said casually, looking up.

 

The gun dropped to the floor and Eclipse could only see a black silhouette in the shape of a hedgehog before he screamed and his black jewish blood was splattered against the concrete pavement floor of his workshop.

 

By morning the shop was empty. No guns. No black jews. And no silhouette.

 

Just Monika- fuck I mean air.

  
...just air.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hahah turns out i have a life the next few weeks so next update will probably be in febuwary. Thats how you spell February and if anyone says differently they're wrong.


	7. Rocky roads

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Arin loves suzy and also dan ans dan has vood advices. Sonic is hot.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lololol im starting to actually put some effoet into this ans idk why im surprised.
> 
> Also i apologize for the first paaragraph.

“He does not kno da wae.” Knuckles said squinting at the small screen in his closet. He began making loud clicking noises as he watched the two figures on the screen walk around. One was necky and was carrying a pink dildo it also only had one arm. The other was black and very jewish holding a purple dildo and as well as wearing a very recognisable neon green duffel bag.

 

Arin walked behind Dan, almost tripping on the other man's heels as they traversed this side of the road to the other. 

 

“Golly Arin you sure do seem awfully close right now.” Dan said.

 

“Shit sorry man I guess I'm just nervous about this whole saving Suzy thing.” Arin waved his dildo gun around to further exaggerate his point. “I mean… i don't even know where she would be. I didn't read the email we got about the meeting I just forwarded it to her!”

 

A small breeze wafted past Dan’s face, his hair gently flowed with the small gust of wind. It was majestic. “I know how we can find her. If fact that's where we're going right now.”

 

“Okay i guess that makes sense.” arin agreed he timidly walked behind Dan. Their footsteps beating against the floor in a tune so melodic that Arin forgot he was listening to himself walk. Walk…. Run… the man felt his wandering mind wander towards a topic he dared not think about in such a dire time. The Wendy’s delivery hog. Still so mysterious… so blue so….  _ Majestic _ . He wondered what it would be like to spend more time with the hedgehog. He wondered how it would be to be held in his giant mutated hands. His mind eventually wandered into a territory that made him blush. He couldn't think about such things. Suzy had to be saved!!1!

 

Suddenly dan spoke in a husky voice. “We're here.” He said, expression smug and appetizing. “We. Are. Here.” He shook his head and with a slap he patted the rock in front of him and nodded. “This is it.” He repeated with such certainty and gumption. “We have arrived.”

 

“But Dan!” Arin suddenly spoke up. “There's nothing here!”

 

In his wondering Arin didn't notice the scenery around him change. There was nothing for miles. Nothing but him sand Dan and the giant rock in front of them. Maybe what they were looking for was under the rock? Or maybe buried under the sand… all Arin knew is that he trusted Dan, no matter how black his skin was! He wasn't racist! But that still didn't answer his question. He asked dan his question.

 

Dan could only shake his head in a humorless and condescending way. “Arin, you single armed fool. You have no idea what this is, do you?”

 

“Of course i fucking don't what do you expect me to have the answers for fucking everything?” Arin was tired and hungry and wanted his wife back. “What it is?”

 

“This is a rock, Arnold. The pioneers used to drive these for miles. This motherfucker is our ticket to Suzy. Now pass me your bra.” 

 

Arin bristled. “But it's  _ mine  _ i can't give it to you!” He protectively cupped his boobs.

 

“Arin it's Suzy’s and since i didn't bring any of her used tampons we have to use that bra. We need to feed the rock her scent. Every second is a second Suzy is spending god knows in what torture and another second is this rock getting more hungry. If we don't feed it, it will find its own food. And the only things around here is us a bra and sand. This fat fuck aint gonna eat sand.” The man made grabby hands at Arin.

 

Arin huffed and pouted but was able to take off the bra without removing his shirt and handed it to Dan. “I need that back though. If Suzy dies it'll be the only way I can make a stable income. I won't even be able to afford caesar salad any more.  _ CAESAR _ !”

 

Dan didn't ask how.

 

He laid the bra on the rock. He began chanting quietly in jewish. No, not hebrew or that arabic shit i just googled right now. He spoke  _ Jooish  _ a magic language that can only be spoken by the risen dead and Bob Ross. “ Gxot corr jok gtj g nkjmknum yngrr xoyk. G vgotlar lgzk lux znk vuux iuavrk. G hxomnz ktkse nojky ot znk yngjucy. Oz corr iutyask ay grr.” His voice was timbre as he growled out his mysterious yet beautiful hymn.

 

Dan carefully lifted his head, not noticing until now that his eyes had closed and his head laid on top of the rock in a small bliss. “Perfect. Now we just have to shift it by… uh… fuck i dunno let's say 6? Then we should be in the clear.”

 

“We have to move that piece of shit?” Arin moaned. “Fucking!”

 

“No the rock will move once we mount it, ready Arin?” Dan backflipped onto the rock, landing in a split that crushed his nuts. He winced a bit at the pain. He held out a hand for his friend, the other petting the rock with his dildo shaped gun. “Come on, Arin.”

 

Arin shoved his own dildo gun under his armless armpit and freed his hand. He reached out and let Dan pull him onto the rock. Slowly, the rock groaned before it started grinding against the sandy floor. It parted sand like it was the red sea, providing a path towards new horizons. Towards Suzy. Towards Freedom.

 

The rock slowly gained momentum as the two males sat on it. Arin watched Dan's stone cold and contemplative expression. He smiled. Small strands of hair blew past the  **_JOO’_ ** _ s _ eyes. He nudged him and the spell over his friend's face vanishified. “You're a good friend, Dan. You know that?”

 

Dan didn't say anything. He only smiled softly. Then he said something. “Anything for you, Arin. I'd help you this times fifty if it would mean that I got to see yor smile.”

 

Arin couldn't keep the blush off his face. “Yeah?”

  
Dan nodded and looked forward, making sure that the rock was being steered in the right direction. He almost felt sorry.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh i got a tumblr.  
> [ CLICK HERE LOL ](https://afreshpairofbones.tumblr.com) if that dont work then its just afreshpairofbones.tumblr.com
> 
> I make the good arts and uhhh infos on more stuffs. Idk ask me stuffs on there i guess??? Idk if thats on or not but try anyways hah.


	8. Gettin a dog in the mouth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sonic has a job. Eggman did a bad so now sonic needs to unbadify it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lol been busy lately. Got a chappie done tho. I have notes on the next 10 chappies so lets see how this goes.

“SONIC” tails cried. “SONIC!!!!!” He cried harder. He rested his hands on his hips with a hmph. He had just gotten intel from one of their double agents that Eggman was up to no good. And none of the other furries were worth jack shit so he called out for sonic. “SOOOOONIIIIII-” Before he could finish his third cry a hedgehog cock was shoved down his throat, coming from a total speed of 400 mph.

 

Tails’ entire body was split in half, a tail on each side.

 

“Here, tails- oh shIT.” Sonic cursed his hardened cocm and slapped it in a disciplinary matter. “Bad sonic jr. BAD. Sorry tails!” He waved to the pile of yellow fur and fox guts that was splattered against the grass. 

 

“...” Tails said, body reeking of blood.

 

“You're right. I SHOULD go grab a chilly dog.” He clipped his nose with his thumb like in the anime and sped off, leaving the corpse of his best friend to decay in his front yard. Today was going to be a good day.

 

Bit little did he know that the whole time Tails’ magic facetime watch was on the whole time. Cream saw the whole thing, a single tear running down her cheek. She was wearing a red salad bowl on her head as well as blue swimming goggles. A clever orbot disguise. “I'll avenge you tails. I swear it. I will kill sonic the hedgehog to prove my loyalty to you as ur secret double agent.” The receiver fuzzed out.

 

“...” Tails said, defecating.

 

Sonic leaned against a cart being run by an old fat guy in a neon green jumpsuit. He winked at the handsome man before ordering a single dozen of chilly dogs.

 

“Alright.” The old man said. “But it'll cost ya.” He licked his lips, wiggling his eyebrows suggestively.

 

“How much?” Sonic asked, pulling out his wallet.

 

“About 3 hours and a bottle of champagne…” the man winked, licking his mustached lips.

 

Sonic blinked and looked up. “What…?”

 

“3 dollors.” The man replied instead.

 

Sonic shrugged and handed the man 3 dollars. Thinking nothing of it. The man was probably just tired and didn't know what he was doing. Or high. Sonic didn't know.

 

When receiving the money, the man scowled and shoved it angrily in his pocket. He spat simultaneously at all 12 of the chilly dogs and threw them in Sonic’s face. “Racist bastard.” He growled and started making a constipated “hnnnNNNG” noise.

 

_ Pop _ .

 

The cart was suddenly gone. But that was normal when someone was offended. They'd either fight you, offend you back or leave. Sometimes they did all of them. Like the cart man just did. “Heheh- fuck you too. Dirty english…. Person. I dunno, you spoke english.” He spat at where the cart was, unsuccessful as the spit just sort of… drooled down his face. “Fuck.”

 

“Hey asshat.”

 

“Hey shadow.” Sonic replied automatically. “Wazzup?”

 

“Did tails tell you the news?” Shadow raised an eyebrow.

 

Sonic nodded. “He tried but my dick killed him.”

 

Shadow nodded, giving the ground a hard glare.“...your what-”

 

“My dick. He couldn't handle it.” Sonic shrugged and slowly started to deepthroat a chilly dog. That dude's spit didn't taste half bad, actually.

 

“Well Anyways you have work to do.” Shadow shoved a paper at Sonic's chest.

 

Sonic rolled his eyes. “Course i do. I'm 3 hours late for a delivery.” He was confident that if he ran fast enough he could just turn time backwards for a bit. Time is just an object, as he always says.

 

“No not that- look at the fucking paper i just gave you. Damn.” Shadow did an emo hair flip. He took out his pack of smokes and lit a ciggy. The edgy af hedgehog took a drag as sonic read the note.

 

The note itself was a pristine eggshell white piece of paper smeared with shit and blood. It was mildly soggy and sonic found himself hoping to god whatever he just touched was vomit. He cleared his voice and read aloud. “Yo nigga my boi sonic. My boii son-ick. S to the o to the nigga to the i to c to the fuck your father to the S-I-C-K . some ho is stuck all up in the egg hizzy and u should cum save her. Here are the schematics.” there was an arrow leading to what seemed like and smelt like but also tasted like a smear of shit on the page.

 

“...seems legit.” Sonic said, nodding to himself.

 

“So yeah as the hero its ur job to do this and i dont feel like it because im too apathetic to care.” Shadow said and blew smoke into Sonic’s face. “Ya bitch. Also ur mom gay.”

 

Sonic cried. He sniveled and wiped the tears from his eyes. A sudden hatred built up inside him. “No u.”

 

Shadow clung a hand to his chest, scarred in the soul from the hateful comment. “Im gonna kill myself and it'll be your fault.”

 

“As long as i don't gotta pay for it you emo bitch.” He grabbed Shadow by the forehead and slammed his knee into his eye, crushing his skull and liquefying his brain.

 

Shadow’s body lay on the ground, lifeless. He dies instantly.

 

“Anyways who'd this come from and where's Eggman's base?” He scratched his head, not minidng the blood on his knee.

 

“...shadow?”

 

“...” Shadow said.

 

“Hm.” Sonic nodded along.

 

“...” Shadow continued.

 

Sonic rolled his eyes. “Stop whining. You're not the only person who got their skull crushed in. Calm down you over dramatic emo scum.”

 

“....” Shadow said, but purple.

 

The blue hedgehog huffed. “I'm not apologizing. But yeah I'll get on asking rouge for more information. Thanks shadow.” With that he zoomed off into the sun.

 

Shadow's body shit itself.

 

A looming silhouette carrying the entrails of a fox as well as a dashing yellow fur scarf stood in front Shadow's dead body.

 

“...” Shadow said as he was picked up and hauled over the shoulder of a mysterious stranger.

 

“...” Shadow said as he was carried away, unable to sense where he was.

  
“...” Rouge said, tits muffling her words as she realised she was unable to recover Shadow's body as it was not there a week after she was told to pick it up. ...maybe she had gotten the location wrong…?


	9. Suzy is a bad ass and don't need no man

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Title.

It was Africa, 1982. Suzy was doing some glaring towards Orbot and Cooboot. “Lemme go.” SHe said.

 

“No.” Orbot said.

 

“Pls” Suzy said.

 

“No.” Orbot said.

 

“plEASE” Suzy said, but louder.

 

“NO.” Orbot said, loudest.

 

“I’ll give you nothing if yu let me go, pls let me go” Suzy begeed.

 

“Oh fuck, nothing????” Orbot gasped and held his robotix loins. “DONT G*IVE ME NOTHING OR I MIGHT DIE!!!”

 

That’s it!! Suzy smirked, holding the nothing teasingly. “So, you don’t want all this nothing?” She stared at the ugly piece of shit through the electric force field that she was trapped in. She grinned sadistically when the robot started trembling. “If you really don’t want this nothing, you will let me go.”

 

The robot looked doubtful. “How do I know you won’t just give me the nothing once you get out?”

 

Suzy bowed her head slightly, her grip on the nothing faltering. “I have honor, mr. robot, I will not betray you. I will be indebted to you, if you let me go. I will give you like, five cents as well.”

 

“O booi I love cents.” Orbot nodded. He loved cents so much. He couldn’t possible reject the deal of Suzy’s. “Deal.” 

 

Then he exploded before he could let the goddess that is Suzy out. Robotic debris and oil fell everywhere.

 

Suzy had thrown the nothing at Orbot. “Haha, I don’t need your pathetic help.” She grabbed a half melted screw from the robot’s corpse and threw it at a giant red button that read “DO NOT PRESS”. 

 

The prison around her evaporated.

 

The other robot, the dumb one, showed up and SCREEMED. “My boyfriend, NOOOO!!!!” He sobbed.

 

Suzy did a squat, then jumped into a double backflip. She balanced on one foot then spun, kicking the robot in the face and leaving a big deep dent in the metal. “Join your boyfriend in robot hell, bitch.”  She stomped on the robot’s crippled face until it was nothing but scrap metal and frayed wires.

 

She smiled. “Oh mah gawd, holy fuck! I did it.”

 

Suzy was free! She looked aorund the sciency room she was trapped in, no Ivo nor help around.

 

“How will I ever know where I am?” She questioned. She danced to the other side of the room. She punched the door metal slide door open. When she got in the hall she was met with an 10 hall intersection.

 

“Hmmm….” She had to weigh her options. She wanted to get out, maybe kill eggman on her way there. But, which way would that be?

 

She closed her eyes while she thought. Then she raises her arm and points her index finger out at the hall in front of her.

 

She began spinning. “THIS WILL HELP!” She scremed. When she stopped, she opened her eyes. 

 

She was pointing at a wall.

 

“Fuck.”

  
  


\----

  
  
  
  
  


\-----

 

Amazing hardcore rock was blasting epically out of the wall of speakers.

 

Dan didn't cair that his ears were bleeding. His foolish body would never understand that it was only making him look cooler. 

 

_ FUCK YEAH. THE FEELING IN OUR HEARTS YEEYEYEYEAAAAAH CAN NEVER BE EXTINGUISHED BY YOUR BITCHING MOM, YOU STUUUUUPID BITCH. YEYEYEYEA. _

 

_ WORKING TOGETHER GONNA GO KILL A MAN. YEYEYEAAAH. _

 

“YEYEYEAAAH!” Arin screamed, singing along with the super cool and relateable lyrics.

 

They rode their rocl through a seried of cool turnpipes and track that was just like super cool when they did it. They got to do flips and shit and it was rad as fuck.

 

_ NEVER GONNA CLEAN MY ROOM NEVER EVER YOU STUPID WHORE _ the music blasted.

 

Suddenly, the rock came to a stop and sp did the music.at the sheer force of the stop, Arin’sbody was flung off and into the building ahead, where he crashed through 3 layers of glass doors. “WHO THE FUCK HAS THIS MANY DOORS???” He yelled, a bit frustrated at all the glass that was currently piercing into his flesh, causing many pinpricks and slices exposing blood so he blooded all over the ground and glass.

 

Dan hopped off the rock. The wall of speakers stood proudly on top of the solid object. Using his joo magic, dan shrunk the wall real small so it looked like a normal speaker. Blood still ran down his ears. “WHAT?” he asked, loudly.

 

“I SAID- WHO THE FUCK-” Arin started to repeat, but Dan was already inside the building. There was a big statue of Dr.Robuttnick in the center of the lobby.

 

“Woa” dan said. “I think we're in the right space”

 

Getting up and brushing glass and blood off himself with his one good arm (the other detached one being held in his mouth for safe keeping), Arin replied, slightly muffled. “‘A ‘ink?”

 

“Yes I do ink, Arin. Yes I do.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lmao I'm super dead, had to crawl out of my coffin to shit this chapter out.

**Author's Note:**

> Better writing than Sonic Boom, HEY YOOOOO.


End file.
